Explaining he was “dying inside,” the sharp-tongued music mogul explains he was in a “dark” and “miserable” space until his then-girlfriend Lauren Silverman gave him the greatest gift, whom he credits with saving his life.
Keep reading to learn about Cowell’s journey with grief, and the special someone who saved him.
In 1999, Simon Cowell, 40 at the time, called his parents from Germany to tell them that through his label, Syco Entertainment, the Irish band Westlife hit their first number one single.
His mother Julie answered the phone but didn’t tell her son that a heart attack claimed the life of his dad, Eric, whom he shared a close relationship.
Speaking with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast, Cowell, 64, says, “After some great news I called home. I knew something wasn’t right, I could just tell. I think someone said to my mum, ‘don’t tell Simon while he is there.’”
Tearfully, he continued, “I later called back and was told the truth. That flight, it was the longest trip home. It was bad.”
Before asking for a moment to clear his tears, the judge on the America’s Got Talent franchise said, “I thought my parents were going to live forever. The hardest thing about losing your parents is that you can’t think of them after. It’s too hard.”
‘Dying inside’
At the time, the harsh critic, both adored and loathed for his indelicate deliveries of opinions, explains that despite the sadness, he still had to appear on TV for the job he was “paid to do.”
“I feel like a clown. I’m dying inside,” he says. “But I put on a tonne of weight, I was eating just junk. Had I got hit by a bus the following day, I’d be dead, but I wasn’t worried about anything like that.”
He tried to fill the dark void in his heart with obsessing over work, which he wasn’t “particularly enjoying,” all the while yearning for something meaningful.
“The whole time was dark. I can absolutely relate to when people reach the lowest levels you possibly can, where essentially being alive doesn’t matter anymore, because you just go, ‘Well, what have I got to live for?’”
Asked if he had “those thoughts,” Cowell – who struggles with depression – clarifies he’s never considered suicide but was indifferent about something tragic happening to him.
‘Made me happy again’
Navigating his way through the “dark” time in his life, Cowell details the phone call that changed the course of his life for the better.
“’‘Are you sitting down?’ ‘Yes,’ ‘Well…’ and she told me,” he shares of the moment his now fiancée Lauren Silverman told him she was having his baby. “And yes it did absolutely change, it changed everything in my life. It made me happy again,” Cowell told the podcast’s host.
Eric – named after his grandfather – was born on February 14, 2014, and Cowell, the seemingly cold hearted-man, instantly melted.
‘Finality now’
But, only one year later, his mother, who had dementia, died.
“When I lost my mum, I was on a downward spiral at that point…I lost everyone, you know, I’ve lost my parents. It’s finality now. What I said about the material things I’ve got, everything just meant nothing at that point,” he says on the June 2024 podcast, adding Julie met Eric before her death.
He adds, “Without question, [Eric saved me]. I really, really had reached the point where nothing mattered.”
‘Pure love’
Gushing over his 10-year-old son, Eric, the doting father says, “It’s how I feel for Eric, just that pure love. They just want the best for you and in return, you feel the same about them.” Referring to the love he feels for his “mini-me” Eric, which matches the love he received from his parents, Cowell says on the podcast, “It’s how I feel about Eric. Everything starts to come full circle.”
Today, The X-Factor panelist says being a father is the greatest gift and embracing the family he’s created, he’s even open to having a second child.
Cowell tells The Sun, “Being a dad is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love every second I spend with him. But you never know with kids if they’re happy being on their own or how would he feel if there was another one?”
He adds, “So look, will it happen? I don’t know. But I would love another kid. I really like being a dad.”
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